Extradot.org

For the 2 people that may actually read this site I am thinking I may take down the wordpress thing and just do a gallery for collette. I feel that I have this litle peice of the internet but I never tend to it. I realize my life is not exciting and I do not have much to offer on this little domain. I am going to try to get the site changed by next week. I wish I ahd the energy and creativity of you Matt. I also need to let this out and well when I move the site forward I may have a section for me that is only viewable by the people I let have accounts. there in lies the problem. I am afrade to talk about my self and let anyone know what is going on with me. I hide behind names and even my own child. I can tell you I have not written in 4 years by that I mean I have not expressed my inner frustrations nor have i tried to deal with the demons that lurk in my heart. I know some of my feelings are due to the unusually stressful tiems I have been going through at work but I really need to get this out before I lock away this site.

I recently got on to facebook. I found that many of my friends long since lost have been there for some time. I realize the only reason that I have not been able to find them is I was afrade to. I do appologize to all of you for disapearing for these last several years. The issue I am having the hardest time with now is knowing that I have made Lisa carry the burden of being my soul support for the last several years. I whish I could giver time off for all that she has to deal with.

Call these the rants of a over tired stressed out IT worker but know that I am writing for me but allowing you to view this. I have missed the release that comes with being open and true to ones self. I have missed writing. I have been living for several years trying my hardest to avoid doing this because I have been afrade of what may come out.

I guess if anyoue out there is looking now would be the time to make yourself heard. I hope you are braver than I and will speak out when there is a need rather that fear what may happen.

Thanks for reading

Alex Frank

Well I have been bogged down with work so I have not had a chance to really update. We have some new pictures of Collette that I have to get on the computer and uploaded to the site. I will try to get them up in the next week. Also, with the new pictures I will be doing the galleries in 6 month blocks from this point on.

So after the recent post and comments I was thinking more about online personalities. I have been online for 14 years and have undergone some identity changes but I have noticed one thing…people claim that they pretend to be someone when they are online but more often they reveal their true behavior.

I take an example from my experience with Guild Wars. I ran several guilds and dealt with countless people and found that people would act as though they were entitled to things just because they graced you with their presence. I am not saying that all players are like that but there are a lot. I also found that people would act in ways that they knew were not appropriate in real life. I know there have been studies that show it but I still find it interesting how people act as though no social norms exist when they interact on the Internet. Moreover I find it more interesting how at times people will change their behavior when they find out about the real person behind the online proxy. One such case comes to mind. When I was running my first guild I had a running relationship with two gamers that got along well. They tended to agree on most everything until one day the older of the two (he was a professional at a college) discovered that the other person was a 16 year old child. After making this discovery the two wound never agree on anything.

I guess these events really have me pondering why we as people and as logical beings can have one perception but given later detail can immediately revers such perceptions. I view my interactions online as more a window into what a given person is willing to share with the world under the guise of anonymity. This is more why I keep my “Personalities” separate. I have the way I act on the Internet which in my case is much the same as I act in real life, but I have learned that at times braking the anonymity can hurt the relationships that you have built with others online.

When running about online much like in real life I find it best to hold on to some things and remember that behind those screen names and avatars there are real people. On that same note a degree of separation is always needed. I myself find the need to keep a balance between my life and my digital life. In my digital life I never speak of my job this is because I know from other peoples experience’s that doing so in a negative way can hurt your chances with some employers. That is why I like to stay anonymous but visible. It is also why I have some tension over whether to blog and what to blog about.

Having been involved in technology and IT I know how easy it can be to discover the identity of a person on the Internet. I also know that nearly everything we do is tracked somewhere. This knowledge always make me cautious about what I do. At the same time I like the freedom the false anonymity provides. I can tell you I am not a quiet person in real life but I am shy and being online and knowing that all someone has to judge me on is what I type makes me able to be more outgoing than I would be in real life.

So, where am I going with this whole crazy rant? I really don’t know I just feel that it is something to be said and I hope it will spark some discussion or insight to whoever decides to read it. If you look closely at this and read what I never wrote you may also glimpse the person that is controlling the puppet that is Seroph. The real me is here if you just know where to look. 

Just to Clarify where I came to be Seroph, I kind of created it one day in a fit of rage over having all my other names taken on ICQ. I started using Seroph in 1998 (EAT THAT YOU NOOBS THAT CLAIM TO BE THE ORIGINAL). Please note that if you can prove that you were using the name before me let me know. Yes, this bothers me. I am the one that has Seroph as an eBay user and I was at one time the only Seroph in all of ICQ! I claimed my Identity and I plan to once agian use it.

I hope this helps you understand that Seroph is here and he is gonna let everyone know it.

Happy reading and I will talk to you all again soon.

Well, I am thinking about what I am going to do with the site. I had recently tried Drupal and I think it would be great to work with for a larger website, I think it is to much for this simple site.

I need to work on the site theme but since the weather got nicer I have been spending time working on re-theming the house so to speak. I have also rekindled my love of Guild Wars. My friends and wife have taken up playing with me again on Tuesday nights. I really missed gaming with Matt and Lisa (and Rik too).

One thing I have been pondering is how to better separate my online existence from the chronicles of the little Collette. I will let you know when I figure out how to separate them better than just “Go to the Collette Category Archive”. I pondered a separate Blog and even a separate domain but neither seems right. I guess this site was my springboard and place to play with all the fun toys I can find on the Internet and I re-purposed it as a tool I have been using only for Collette.

Having seen how Matt uses his blog to express himself and Talk about what is on his mind I have been wanting the same sort of outlet. To the world at large you will notice that I have never really been a presence on the Internet. I have spent years keeping my online self just that. I have never gone onto a site or posted to a forum/blog as anyone but my alter-ego Seroph. I have never really gone so far as publish my real name on any pages I have authored.

After that rant I should clarify that this is my step towards allowing Seroph’s voice to be heard. Some day the real me may also wish to come out but Seroph has been to long silenced.